ARTICLE AD BOX
Stockpiling is a real 2025 buzzword, but it’s not just the rumblings of World War III that have got people clearing the shelves, for a more imminent threat looms: today is doomsday for disposable vapes.
By banning them outright, the government aims to reduce the number of children getting hooked on their flavoursome, nicotine-laced steam, and to protect the environment from their unrecyclable innards. Both are honourable causes, but I’m still annoyed.
Historically, I’ve always been a box of fags kinda girl, and it’s important to stress that cigarettes did not always cost £18 nor pints £7.90. I found myself making the shift to vapes two years ago when my friend offered me a blast on a Lost Mary. I only tried it for a laugh after I’d seen Philip Schofield manically chuffing on one (kiwi passion fruit guava flavour, in case you were wondering) in his excruciating post-This Morning resignation interviews.
“They’re only a fiver,” my friend grinned at me as I expressed my delight at how sickeningly sweet it tasted. “And they last for ages.”
It’s worth noting that at the time of this conversation, we were both 40, thus I cannot deny that teenagers – and regrettably, even younger kids – have probably been having similar conversations. The devil on my shoulder whispers, “But surely they’ll just find something else to smoke now? It’s what kids do and have always done.” After all, my dad delights in telling me that he started smoking when he was 10 and you could pick up a four-pack of Dominos for a sixpence.
I can see why many people gave up traditional “cancer sticks” for their exotic little cousins. Not only do they smell nicer but I’ve found that, since turning to vapes, I smoke less. I can get away with a few puffs on a vape rather than honking a whole cigarette. One vape can last me a month, or even longer.
That will change now. I’m not the type to be faffing about with refillable vapes and little bottles of flavoured “vape juice” and the idea of plugging my vape in next to my phone overnight doesn’t really appeal.
I’m a spontaneous and sporadic smoker so I expect I will just go back to buying old-fashioned fags – and many people who want to smoke will do the same.
Because that’s the thing. Until the government bans nicotine products altogether (which it won’t, as they generate around £6.8 billion in taxes per year) then people will continue to use them. Over the past two decades, many laws have come in which were meant to deter people like me from sparking up, yet I still do it.
As the clock neared midnight on June 30 2007, I enjoyed a last drawn-out drag on a cigarette on the dancefloor at London nightclub Corsica Studios, promising myself (somewhat dramatically) that I would never forget the joy of dancing and smoking indoors at the same time.
The following year, the tobacco industry was forced to add gruesome picture warnings to packets, and in 2015, the Standardised Packaging of Tobacco Products Regulations insisted that any remaining brand personality was completely eradicated and replaced with the disgusting sludge brown we know today.
In October 2011, cigarette vending machines vanished from pubs and clubs. A year later, nicotine products were hidden at the point of sale, banished behind the doors of a cupboard or squirrelled away in a drawer.
For me, the most painful goodbye was to the humble box of 10s in 2016, but for many of my friends, the removal of menthol cigarettes in 2020 prompted tears… and a thriving black market as savvy stockpilers cashed in on people’s forbidden cravings for a throat-cooling minty blast.
I’m predicting something similar will play out over the next few months. Yesterday, hours before the ban became law, websites had totally sold out of disposable vapes, and panic buying has even spread to brick-and-mortar shops, too.
I visited my local vape emporium, Vape Joint, in Woolwich. They had almost totally sold out of single-use vapes, with just three obscure flavours left. Next door, in the newsagent, they were eager to get rid of their remaining stock with some obscene bundle deals. I picked up a smorgasbord of vapes, handing over £30 for 10.
Who knows what will play out decades from now? Will it be a show of wealth and status to bring out a platter of box-fresh single-use vapes, piled high like a tower of Ferrero Rocher at the ambassador’s party? Perhaps single-use vapes will become as collectable as unboxed 1970s Star Wars toys, generating amazed headlines when a crate of them pops up on Antiques Roadshow in 2055.
I know that the ban is for a good reason. Its aim is to protect the most vulnerable members of our society (both human and otherwise). I know that when I’m vaping I am technically sucking on a battery… but they’re so delicious. And cheap. And I will miss them.
English (US) ·