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Saturday Night Live’s cold open mocked President Donald Trump’s first hundred days in office, poking fun at the commander-in-chief’s numerous executive orders and desire to become Pope.
James Austin Johnson returned to the screen as Trump and Mikey Day played Stephen Miller, the president’s deputy chief of staff.
“Your favorite president and perhaps your next Pope!” Johnson said, starting the skit. “It's been 100 years since I became president...excuse me, days. Wow, feels longer.”
He continued saying his most recent accomplishments have helped people win elections, mostly in Canada. Johnson then started discussing the more than 140 executive orders the president has signed in his second term, including banning paper straws and defunding PBS.
“I understand Elmo has now been apprehended by ICE,” Johnson quipped. “Brought to you by the letter L for El Salvador. He's not coming back.”
The Trump character then introduced Miller, whom Johnson referred to as the “Lord of the Shadows.”
After the audience applauded, Day started handing Johnson executive orders for his signature on bringing back Columbus Day, a pardon for author J.K. Rowling and reducing the number of interracial couples in TV commercials.
“It’s just too many, right?” Johnson said of the commercials. “You see them in the kitchen together, making a meal from Hello Fresh. He’s wearing loafers, she’s got tight braids. You’re like, ‘Where’d they meet? What do they even talk about?’ It’s insane.”
The comments were followed by another executive order that would make it socially acceptable for a man in his 70s to date a 24-year-old.
“That’s right. We’re calling it the Belichick law,” said Johnson, referencing former NFL coach Bill Belichick’s relationship with Jordon Hudson.
Johnson then turns to Day and asks, “Did you see Belichick’s girlfriend? She’s pretty hot, right?”
Day responds, “Yes, she is a beautiful creature.” Johnson replies: “God, you’re creepy. This is why we don't hang out outside of work.”
Johnson’s character got a big laugh for his remarks after Day brought out the executive order pardoning Rowling.
“We love Jackie,” the actor said. “You know, she created a whole wizarding world, a wonderful place for overweight millennials to stake their entire identity well past the point of being cute. ‘I'm a Hufflepuff.’ No b****, you work at Staples.”
Marcello Hernandez then joined the duo as Secretary of State Marco Rubio for the signing of yet another executive order.
“Come on in, little Marco, you're gonna love this,” said Johnson. “This order, I believe, forbids all Hispanic babies from getting their ears pierced. Believe this was Marco's idea.”
“No, it wasn’t,” Hernandez responded.
“Yes it was,” said Johnson. “Sorry, little Marcella, sorry, Valentina, it’s clip-ons for you from now on...it’s no bueno, right, Marco?
“Si, sir,” Hernandez replies before storming off stage.
Johnson then signs a few more orders making the New York Times connections game easier, shortening the word recession to recess and outlawing ghosts.
“You know, every Christmas Eve I get visited by three ghosts,” Johnson said. “I don't know what the hell they're talking about. They're like, ‘Sir, you have to change. You have to change. You did bad things, and you have to change.’ And I'm like, ‘Stop rattling those chains, okay? I'm trying to enjoy my dark, lonely Christmas Eve.”
Sabrina Carpenter joined 4’11 tall host Quinta Brunson to celebrate their short stature as the comic hosted Saturday Night Live. Brunson mocked her height during her monologue, joking that she is so small they wanted to cast her “as a kid on Abbott Elementary and I wrote that.”
“Being short is amazing. Being short is just fine,” she sang.“ I'm a cheap date because I get wasted off of one glass of wine. I like being tiny because there's nothing wrong with being 4’11 and talking about it in a song. Nothing wrong with being short.”
Pop star Carpenter, who is also diminutive, then joined her on stage. “I mean, you were talking about being short, so I thought I’d stop by,” she told the audience. They were then joined on stage by NBA great Dwayne Wade, who towered over them. “Well, I was just in the audience, and I heard your song about being short, and I felt safe, yeah, but I'm 6’4 in like basketball world, it's like 4’10 Shaq’s, like 7’1. I just really want to be in a song.”
English (US) ·