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Two survivors of the Nottingham attacks have revealed they feel a strong sense of survivor’s guilt as they share their stories for the first time.
Wayne Birkett and Sharon Miller - along with Marcin Gawronski - were struck by a van driven by Valdo Calocane on the morning of 13 June 2023, which left all three pedestrians seriously injured.
Earlier that day, Calocane had already fatally stabbed Barnaby Webber and Grace O'Malley-Kumar, both 19, and caretaker Ian Coates, 65.
Ms Miller told the BBC: “When I heard what had happened to Barnaby or Grace, I thought, I wish he'd took me instead of them’.
“They were so young and still had their lives ahead of them - you just feel so guilty”, she added. “You should be able to go to work, and they should be able to walk around; Ian should have been able to get into his van and go to work.
“It's just so wrong.”
Mr Birkett said his partner Tracey told him off for saying “I would have swapped my life for one of those poor students - without a doubt.”
"It was awful hearing what happened to them [in the court case]. What happened to me was nothing compared to that."
Ms Miller suffered a broken toe, lacerated spleen and a hole in the back of her leg because of the incident.
She had started her day at home with her partner of 30 years, Martin. The mother-of-one finished a cup of tea and made her way to the bus stop shortly before 5am where she was commuting to her job as a cleaner. She said her bus was delayed and she was worried she’d be late for her shift.
Her day swiftly ended not long after she got off the bus in the city centre and crossed Market Street, when the van hit her.
“I saw the van, and the next minute I'm in the air”, she said. “I thought I was dying - all I could see was white.”
Ms Miller was rushed to Nottingham's Queen's Medical Centre with life-changing injuries. She has been unable to return to work after suffering suffering serious orthopaedic and psychological trauma, and requires a walking stick.
"I'm still in a lot of pain with my leg and my back, but I'm getting there," she said.
As well as not being able to return to work, Ms Miller now only feels safe in the comfort of her own home, having previously been a sociable person who enjoyed trips out with friends and family.
"Martin and my family, and my grandkids make me happy, but I don't like going out," Sharon explained. "I was never like that before."
Mr Birkett had also been on his way to work as a forklift driver when Calocane swerved across the road and drive into the back of him, causing the 61-year-old to spend more than six weeks in hospital with complex brain and physical injuries.
Not only did he share he has no recollection of what happened, but he struggles to remember any part of his life prior to that day, according to the BBC.
He has had to re-learn basic skills, such as reading, crushing his teeth and holding a knife and fork. He couldn’t even remember what the tattoo dedicated to Leeds United meant to him.
His partner Tracey has had to care for him since his attack. He said: “My legs hurt all the time, my back hurts, I get headaches all the time and it's horrible not having any memory and not remembering people you've known and worked for.”
Calocane, who had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia prior to the attacks, admitted to three counts of manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility and three counts of attempted murder. He was sentenced to a hospital order in January 2024.
Earlier this year, Mr Birkett and Ms Miller were invited to Downing Street, alongside the families of Mr Webber, Ms O'Malley-Kumar and Mr Coates, to discuss plans for a judge-led inquiry, set to be chaired by Her Honour Deborah Taylor.
The case has prompted a number of reviews, including a mental health homicide review, commissioned by NHS England.
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